Circles

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Luna crossed her arms as she stared at her. The whole walk back to their apartment Anna had been complaining. Luna didn’t think anything of it but it was starting to eat at her.

“What, ”Anna asked.

“Don’t fucking ask what! You’re blaming me for you leaving the party?”

“I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying-”

“You’re saying you left your friends for me. I told you to fucking stay. It was your choice. You wanted to leave. So why are you acting like I dragged you out?” Luna asked.

Luna watched Anna closely, her posture had become defensive. This was beginning to wear her out. Luna rubbed her face, her breath uneven as she tried to stay focus. She couldn’t lose this fight or she’ll be stuck in the same pattern.

“You were leaving the party and I didn’t want you to walk home alone,” Anna said.

“I’m a grown fucking woman. I know what street to walk on, I know who to fucking avoid. I know what neighborhood is safe. I’m not a fucking child.”

“You sure act like one. You know you’ve been drinking,” Anna said.

Luna bit her bottom lip, clenching her fists. She could feel her tears fall as the knot grew bigger in her throat.

“Yeah. Says the girl who drinks until she’s drunk? Says the girl who starts a fight over petty shit. When was the last time it was your fault? Because every fight we had, it’s my fault and I should feel bad for whatever the fuck I did. I can admit when it is but you like to act like any problems you start, it’s still mine,” Luna said.

“Because it is! You act like a fucking child. Who drinks when they’re in a different city? Then you get all down after and it’s depressing.”

“Oh, but you run to your fucking boyfriend when he’s depressed but God forbid, your friend of 8 years gets that way! How fucking dare she not be able to control her emotions!”

Luna could tell the two weren’t getting anywhere. Endless amount of problems she had packed away to avoid hurting Anna’s feelings. Luna had enabled Anna. She knew this was her fault for Anna’s attitude. Anna thought she was above Luna because Luna let her believe it. She didn’t dare try knocking her down her throne. Now, here she was. Facing the problem she created.

“I don’t want to talk,” Anna said.

“Good,” Luna said, “Bye.”

Luna calls Alisa, walking toward her girlfriend’s house without another word to Anna. Luna could hear Anna walking behind her as she talks to Alisa.

“Can I help you, Anna?”

“You’re being a real bitch for no reason.”

Luna exhales as she turns to look at Anna. She held back her urge to choke the girl and yell at her. Every nerve in her body was pierced because of the stress. Her bone aching due to all of the days they spent like this.

“Go move in with your boyfriend,” Luna said.

“What? We’ve only been dating for a year!”

“Anna, I’m tired. We’ve been fighting about the same shit for years. It’s not working. We’re not working. This friendship isn’t working.”

“You know I’m like this!”

“That’s not an excuse! You haven’t done anything to better yourself! You’ve gotten worse and I blame myself for enabling your entitlement. I’m not doing it anymore. I can’t do it anymore,” Luna said.

“So you’re dumping years of friendship over one stupid fight?”

 “No,” Luna said, “I’m dumping years of friendship that turned toxic. I’m dumping the friendship that keeps us stuck. You need to grow up and I need to breathe.”

Anna stared at Luna with her face bright pink as tears kept falling. Luna couldn’t rush over and apologize. She couldn’t say she was sorry. Their cycle won’t end if Luna kept running to her every time she cried.

“Luna, please, no,” Anna croaked.

Luna shook her head, “I’ll pack your stuff…but we..can’t. I can’t. I love you, I care about you, I just can’t.”

Luna let Anna curse her out as she walked back home. She felt tears flood her eyes as her chest tightened at the wails of Anna’s cries. Even with her heart-tugging to run back and comfort Anna, the stress that was built up finally came crumbling down. There wasn’t going to be another run around.